The Oberlin Review

Just Ask Us: To Do List Before Graduation

Jolie De Feis and Mike Plotz

May 8, 2015

Disclaimer: “Just Ask Us and We’ll Tell Ya” is a satirical column, and the Review does not condone illegal activity of any kind. Hear ye, hear ye. It has come time for our final Review article, and boy, are we sad. As seasoned Oberlin students and soon-to-be graduates, we know what is best for you. This time, we are telling you, so don’t bother asking. It is our firm, final and unwavering opinion that in order to consider yourself an Obie, or “Yeo,” you must do the things we have listed below. This list was compiled by us, with recommendations from trusted friends. We know you can do them all if you put your mind to it and don’t care about embarrassing yourself a little bit or a lot. We have both em...

Just Ask Us: DeCafé Not Worth Price

Jolie DeFeis and Mike Plotz

February 27, 2015

Disclaimer: “Just Ask Us and We’ll Tell Ya” is a satirical column, and the Review does not condone illegal activity of any kind.  There comes a time in every Oberlin student’s life when a decision must be made: Should I steal that shit from DeCafé? Of course, stealing is wrong when put into simplistic terms, but alas, we do not live in such a black and white world. The real question is whether DeCafé and Campus Dining Services are already stealing from us — and we believe the answer is yes. Here at “Just Ask Us,” we are 100 percent certain that CDS is stealing from us. Here in the Opinions section, we’re sure you’re used to reading opinions, but first, let’s break down the facts. Everyone know...

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