from sonya

the day before i cut my hair i thought no one would ever love me again. 

i thought no one would ever look at me again

the way the sun does

and thought eyes would only see me through

fear or disgust

happy nappy locks 

locked me up in stereotypical 

chains i never asked for.

it’s hard enough being in this body but

sonya says

the body is not an apology

or a question mark.

i do not have to bend 

just because others want me to break

i do not have to cover my scars 

because the sight of them would make people 

uncomfortable.

led me to realize

i can’t give to someone else

what i can’t give to myself.

i was waiting for somebody else’s love to prove 

my worth,

to prove that 

i exist and am more than 

a shadow.

so instead,

i washed my new old hair with cold 

water and roses 

to find that 

freedom is mine 

this body is mine

embracing

holy communion 

to nourish

what white folks said did not deserve to grow.

listen to how ur hair is telling u to grow

and keep growing. 

to take care of our whole selves means 

to love who we were, who we are, and will be 

unapologetically

until we feel free 

again.