I consider myself a very affectionate friend. I’ll take any opportunity I can get to celebrate my gal pals, especially during the overwhelmingly romantic Valentine’s Day season. This is exactly why my friends and I are celebrating Galentine’s Day this Feb. 13. Born from a 2010 episode of Parks and Recreation in which Amy Poehler proclaims, “Ovaries before brovaries,” the unofficial holiday celebrates female friendships before romance. It calls for girl friends to meet up for brunch or a special meal and simply enjoy each other’s company. Though I adore the opportunity to celebrate friends in this deliberate and sincere way, we need this holiday less than anyone else.

Between sleepovers, spa days, and girls’ nights, outwardly affectionate celebrations of friendship have become something of a female stereotype. Though these traditions and expressions of care may be overplayed on the screen, the trope often holds true to real life as well. My friends and I give each other gifts, plan trips together, and offer constant verbal affirmations. In female-identifying groups like mine, every day feels like Galentine’s Day. We are not the ones who need recognition for the energy, love, and care that we put into our friendships. Instead, Galentine’s Day should be shared with the guys. 

To claim that all guys need a holiday to practice celebrating their friendship would be a gross generalization. I spoke with many groups of male-identifying people around campus in order to understand how they maintained and appreciated their friendships, and some seemed quite comfortable with direct affection. Conservatory first-years Tate Cinti and Sam Rosewarne both said that they often text friends to remind them that they are thought of and cared for. 

While there are plenty of confident communicators like Cinti and Rosewarne, I also spoke with many men who could not recall any direct instances of explicitly acknowledging their appreciation for a friend. The struggle of expressing vulnerability goes beyond appreciating friends: in a 1983 study cited by the University of Northern Iowa, it was found that 46 percent of female friends frequently discuss vulnerable, personal issues over the phone, while only 26 percent of men do the same (Miller, Aries and Johnson). Reluctance of men to engage in honest, vulnerable conversations has become just as much a stereotype as the overly-affectionate female friend trope. These reluctantly vulnerable male friendships would greatly benefit from a Galentine’s Day celebration.

Friendship between guys can be just as caring and committed as any other relationship. Every group of guys I talked to said that they go out of their way to check on struggling friends and offer help whenever they can. They also spend an enormous amount of time together. I chatted with three guys on the baseball team who listed every iteration of hanging out they do on weekends: meals, practice, video games, TV, and studying. Two guys on the ultimate frisbee team said that when they aren’t practicing, they’re playing board games together. The love, attention, and commitment is all there, but it is expressed in a less direct way than my female friendships. College first-year and member of the baseball team James Min explained how he and his friends understand the strength of their relationships.

“There are [implicit] clues,” Min said. “I wouldn’t be hanging out with [my friend] Chase 24/7 if I didn’t like him.”

Although going off “implicit clues” alone may feel like a more comfortable method of appreciation, male-identifying friendships are more than capable of expressing care directly. However, these vulnerable conversations are often difficult to initiate without a specific social pretext. College fourth-year and ultimate frisbee team member Adam Wright noted how rare quality time with friends can be. 

“If me and a friend are about to go very different ways … we’ve got this limited time together,” Wright said. “[We say,] let’s spend some time just being together and having a good time and appreciating one another.” 

When there is less urgency in the situation, showing appreciation for friends can also become more comfortable when necessitated by some other social tradition. In the ultimate frisbee social sphere, Wright  looks forward to an affectionate team ritual after every tournament. 

“We go to a room in Wilder, and sit in a big circle, and say nice things about how great everyone was,” he said.

If it takes a social pretext in order for guys to feel comfortable initiating conversations about the people they care for, Galentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to do exactly that. The guys I spoke to showed me that their friendships involve significant amounts of effort in exchange for very little explicit appreciation. A day, or even an afternoon hangout, dedicated to filling that gap between effort and appreciation could be a very validating and emotionally fulfilling tradition. This year, tell all the guys in your life: Feb. 13 is the time for everyone to celebrate Galentine’s Day.