Once, I was sitting at the table tucked under the main staircase of Peters Hall, typing away on my computer, when a stranger sat down across from me. Yes, they’d asked if they could. Yes, I’d consented because it seemed unreasonably rude not to. No, they did not want to speak to me any further. Distracted from my work, I kept slyly glancing at this stranger, at their black headphones and open laptop. I felt vaguely uncomfortable, annoyed. I asked myself why: Aren’t open seats meant to be filled? Was I guarding my personal space too forcefully? Who was this other student? Why did they choose to sit there instead of at any number of empty tables and classrooms in the building?

To figure out whether other students had grappled with this experience before on campus, I started conducting interviews.

These interviews have been edited for length and clarity.

Has a stranger ever sat across from you in a public space on campus when there were other seats open?

Spencer Hekl, College third-year: 

You know those little nooks on the first floor of Wilder? I’ve had someone sit across from me, and that one was really wild because there was definitely open seating in other places. And I feel like those nooks are kind of personal. I’m sure they were a nice person, but that’s something I would personally never do. 

Zoe Cox, College third-year:

Usually, it happens in Mudd. Once, I sat down, and I was very quiet and behind a support beam, and someone did not see me, sat down, got completely set up, then noticed me three feet away, and packed everything back up and left.

Why do you think people do this?

Sebastian Cruz, College fourth-year:

I would assume they were sent to me. I would assume that they actually had a very clear idea of why they’re there and that that has something to do with me. And I would assume that they’re there to observe me in some way or keep track of me. That’s obviously very extreme, but I can’t think of any other reasons other than that. Maybe it’s a grounding thing where they need other people to really feel in-the-moment and dialed into whatever they’re doing. They’re like, “Okay, I’m in society, I’m in community, I’m in whatever the hell.”

Zoe Cox, College third-year:

Personally, I try to take a favorable look at it and assume that they’re just not uncomfortable with it, so they assume I’m not uncomfortable with it. To be fair, I never say anything to them. I just keep studying. So, how would they know? Sometimes I do wonder, though, if maybe I’ve got a primo study spot, and they’re trying to wait me out so as to have it for themselves.

Petra Mozersky, College first-year:

I feel like it’s a way to show that you’re looking for a connection — like a small act of looking for community — or just showing that at Oberlin, even with all these strangers, you all have something in common, and I feel like that stuff has let you sit next to anyone, which I really love.

Have you ever sat across from a stranger in a public space on campus?

Kate Heffernan, College fourth-year:

If I’m in Mudd, and there’s a big table and one person is sitting there, that feels like the table that people are sitting at. I don’t want to be a loner. Also, I think there’s an element of parallel play, where you’re like, “I can work better if there’s someone across from me that’s also working.” Whereas if I’m at a table by myself, only God is watching me, and I can do whatever I want.

Sasha Bercovici, College first-year:

I like talking to strangers. I find joy from it. I think it’s nice. But today it was in the library, and I was studying for my homework, so I just listened to music and we didn’t really bother each other. But yeah, I’ve talked to strangers today.”

How do you feel about sitting near strangers in public places on campus?

Josh Surprenant, College first-year:

I was like, “Oh, there’s someone here.” And then I was like, “Okay, cool.” It was just minorly surprising, but at the same time, it was also kind of cool because it felt like people weren’t afraid to walk up to me. So it actually made me feel a little welcome in a sort of weird roundabout way.

Kate Heffernan, College fourth-year:

I’m also thinking about the big table at Slow Train, where sometimes a lot of different people that are not friends or don’t know each other will all sit together, and that sometimes feels too intimate for me because we’re at a coffee shop — like, our legs are almost touching. 

Petra Mozersky, College first-year

Now that I’ve seen other people doing it and it being so much more normal here, it makes me want to do it. It makes me think of third spaces and people talking about our culture, like, “All these third spaces are disappearing and strangers don’t sit next to each other,” or, “They do that less and less in our generation.” But here, that feels different, and I think that’s very cool.