Well, folks, welcome to finals. And this is a last-minute column to go ahead and parallel all of your last-minute papers and studying. But what do I have to tell you that you don’t already know? We’ve gone over having sex with your friends, with yourself, with your ex, with your friend’s siblings, with your sibling’s friends. What else is there?

I could tell you about the hundreds of things to do on the Internet that aren’t your work, but you probably already know about all of the ones that I do. We could talk about television. I certainly wouldn’t be upset about that. I’m maybe a little addicted to Glee. It was an accident, I swear! It’s just everything in a television show I could ever want: crappy teenage drama and fantastic singing (except for Finn). How did they know?

But that’s not really the point of this column, unless of course you want to talk about the serious relationship drama on that show. Man, is there some serious relationship drama! Especially this last episode. Oh, damn!

Okay, I’m done! I’m done! I swear.

But that’s what I’m doing these days. I am just acting like I’m doing work and then … not. The problem with this is that I act like I need to do work, so I just sit on my computer in the library and don’t actually do anything fun. Well, admittedly, I do enjoy Glee and Castle, but I mean, I could be doing something productively procrastinatory. For instance, going to the gym or at least cultivating some relationships.

So, maybe that’s the moral of this week: If you are going to procrastinate, at least do something worthwhile; don’t just spend all your time on, say, Facebook or MLIA. That’s lame. The new fad is to help your friends with their papers or clean your room or sleep. Don’t just watch two television shows, take an hour and a half on dinner, and then barely manage to remember to send an email to your professor apologizing for missing an important class this week, which you missed because you were too sleep-deprived from procrastinating too hard.

People. For real. That’s kind of embarrassing. You could even, just maybe, spend that time with your significant other in a productive, relationship-building (or breaking, I guess) manner. The semester’s almost over, you have to make a decision about this break, you know. You might spend almost two months apart (or together). Decisions must be made. Why not do that instead of your work?

I suppose that’s all for this week. I might get back to you later. I might not. It all depends on if I spend my time doing my work (for the first time ever) or if I don’t. But anything and everything is possible, so we shall simply see. But regardless, I am still glad we had this talk. Clearly.