Your Farts & Cults Co-editors took spring break early! Here we are on the sunny beaches of Cancun, soaking in some rays in between snorkeling and 5 p.m. Review production on Zoom. 

If you saw us around campus, no you didn’t!

“We just needed a getaway,” D’Amato said. “School is just so blah right now. No one’s being funny. Kathleen and I just really needed a creative escape to crack some jokes, drink some piña coladas, and detox.”

Although we may look a little bundled up in this photo, rest assured, it was just a windy day at the beach. Underneath those big ol’ parkas are some tanned, toned, hot Arts and Culture Editors. Some may believe this picture is photoshopped, but that’s only proof that this winter has numbed everyone’s rational thinking skills.

“It’s like, I just need to put me first,” Kelleher said. “Obviously, all my professors are super mad, but it’s not like I was gonna pass Russian 102 anyway — and now that Lily banned me from Long Island Night, I, like, really needed a getaway to have a drink and relax.”

Yes, it’s true. There’s been some trouble in paradise. The Arts and Culture editors are feuding over Lily’s recent hot take about underclassmen at Long Island Night. 

“Have you guys ever heard of satire? Kathleen, I mean, seriously,” D’Amato said. “We just really needed to get back in the co-editor honeymoon phase, but Long Island Night is still a sore subject. Love you girl!”

Despite Lily’s well wishes, Kathleen is still bitter. She threw a Spring Breakers-themed party, and Lily was not in attendance. 

“What a bitch! It’s like, does she even care about the spirit of spring break? Ugh,” Kelleher said. “I’ve already talked to the Managing Editor about firing her. But I guess we just have to get through this weird vacation together, and then we can never talk again. I just know that bitch Lily is being all, ‘Love you bestie!’ in all these interviews. Also, she keeps asking me if I think it’s ‘too hot for Uggs.’ Like, get a life.”

As Lily edits this, she is not pleased.