Sports Editors Decide Everything: Thanksgiving Edition

The Sports Editors are back again, and we’re here to decide any questions you have related or unrelated to the Thanksgiving season. Whether you’re flying home to see 29 family members whom you haven’t seen in over 10 years or you’re staying on campus preparing to scavenge for food like a hungry raccoon — if you need any advice on how to get through the holiday season or would like to know our personal opinions on everything from Taylor Swift to football, you’re in the right place!

Is water wet?
About two years ago, Sports Editors Zoë Martin Del Campo, OC ’22, and Khalid McCalla, OC ’21, answered the same exact question (“Khalid and Zoë Decide Everything: the Free Foot Debacle,” The Oberlin Review, Nov. 13, 2020). Their verdict? It depends whether you’re a humanities major or a STEM major. We revisited this question and asked two water experts for their input: third-year swimmers and scholars Anika Kennedy, a Biology major, and Audrey Weber, an Anthropology and Hispanic Studies major. Anika’s take is that water makes swimmers wet after getting in the pool, but that’s because the liquid (water) is making the solid (swimmer) wet; water cannot make itself wet, only other objects. However, Audrey disagrees — to make something wet involves getting water on it, and water is just water molecules with more water molecules, so of course it is wet.
If you pour water into juice, would the juice be wet? We don’t think so, but if you pour water onto a block of cheese, the cheese would be wet. Also, a block of ice itself isn’t wet unless it is liquified. In summary, “wetness” is defined in terms of the solid. You don’t just touch a pond and think, “Oh, it’s wet.” It’s because your hand is wet, not the water itself. Looking at this from a grammatical point of view, water cannot be described as dry. We’re (mostly) STEM majors here and cannot provide an unbiased, aqueous solution, so the verdict of 2020 still holds true to this day.

What constitutes the definition of a ball?
Is a bead considered a ball? Is something such as a badminton birdie a ball? Is Earth one giant ball? We asked third-year women’s basketball player Jaedyn O’Reilly these questions. Her answer? Yes, no, and no. She believes a ball has to be able to be thrown or bounced, and it has to be an inanimate object. Third-year men’s basketball player Anastasis Spyroglou claims that a ball should be a sphere. Our answer? We really don’t know.

Swim and dive is in need of divers. Which Review staff member should step in?
Maybe our Editor-in-Chief Kushagra Kar, only because he needs to get more involved with the Sports Section and was featured in an article about his skill for swimming (“The Review Gets Fit With Kushagra Kar, Editor-in-Chief,” The Oberlin Review, August 20, 2021). Or maybe Otis, the Review dog and our newest, unofficial contributing sports editor who would get in a ton of flips considering how small he is — though going off the diving board isn’t necessarily healthy for him because he’s also quite elongated. Our Arts & Culture Editor Juju Gaspar is probably the most qualified, having grown up in the Cayman Islands with easy access to swimmable water. Not only is she well acquainted with many on the swim team, we also heard she does backflips in the stands at swim and dive meets (source: trust me bro).

What Thanksgiving football game are you most looking forward to?
Ohio State University vs. the University of Xichigan is bound to be exciting. Ohio State has had an electric season so far: the team is second in both the Big 10 rankings and the AP Top 25 poll and led by players such as C.J. Stroud, a favorite for the Heisman Trophy. After Xichigan’s embarrassing halftime score of 17–14 to Rutgers University of all teams, we can say with full confidence that the Buckeyes will bring it home this year. Also, we’re residents of the beautiful state of Ohio, which means that we’re required to pray for That Team Up North’s downfall. All we’re saying is: Everybody Bleeds Red!

Which song should the Oberlin Jazz Pep Band play?
More Megan Thee Stallion would really go a long way. Other good songs are “No Hands” by Waka Flocka Flame and “After Party,” also known as the “Ok I pull up capybara song” by Don Toliver.

Best and worst Thanksgiving desserts?
The best desserts are anything with apples in them! Apple cobbler, apple pie, applesauce, apple muffins, the list goes on and on. The worst are anything with pumpkins, a fruit (weird, right?) that should be used for Halloween decorations only. Contributing Sports Editor Zoe Kuzbari does NOT agree with this, but alas, majority rules.

What do you do if you’re still sad about not getting the tickets for the Taylor Swift tour?
Taylor Swift’s music is already the embodiment of Christian Girl Autumn, a time of hayrides and spiced lattes (think “Red” and “cardigan”). Doing fun fall activities will help you not only take your mind off the nine hour wait on Ticketmaster you sat through but also the inevitable FOMO you’ll have next year when all eight billion people on the planet will be posting about it on social media.

When’s an appropriate time to start celebrating Christmas?
There is only one answer: absolutely no winter holiday songs until after Thanksgiving. The only exception to that rule is if your family is having a Thanksgiving debate over topics such as the best Costco Black Friday deals on air fryers, basic human rights, or where they think your cousin Steven is applying to law school. At that point, stick in your earbuds and blast “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey.

What are we most thankful for?
The Review (sometimes).