Pre-pandemic, the Sports Editors had a tradition of trying out sports that aren’t available within the limits of Oberlin. The previous Review Sports Editors most notably attempted a much more athletic endeavor known for its test of strength and agility: pole dancing. Though logistics got in the way of James and I living up to that legacy, we tried a well-known offshoot of a sport that neither of us had played in a while.
On Monday, James and I decided to hit up SportsVille, a family-owned sports park in Northridge. At SportsVille, there are many different activities including driving range golf, softball, and mini golf. Because of its affordability and accessibility, we decided to play a round of mini golf together. In the 80-degree weather, James and I were the only ones remotely our age out — everyone else was well into retirement, playing golf with their buddies. As someone who is not athletic in any way, shape, or form, I was determined to win this game against a Division III athlete.
The first few holes were fine. The small amount of obstacles on the fake grass provided a smooth and easy path for the ball to go into the hole. With some hills and plaster rocks here and there, we were both able to shoot the minimum par needed to get into the hole, which was two par.
Then it became more challenging than we anticipated. Though it wasn’t very physically demanding, the agility and precision of our shots mattered the most in the end, and neither of us had mastered that skill. Out of the 18 holes, most of them were par two. We concluded that a pro golfer must have come in and counted the pars, because we were far off from needing only two shots for each hole. As someone who has little perception of force, my ball often went out of bounds, forcing me to give up a par. Most of the time, it would land on the rocks or on the pedestrian path. On hole four in particular, it took nine tries until I could get the ball in, while it took James only four, due to me hitting it out of bounds too many times. James, on the other hand, had the problem of hitting the ball too softly, but in the end, it became advantageous, as it took him fewer tries to inch the ball toward the hole. The curves of the hole made it particularly difficult for us to get our golf balls in regardless of force. If it weren’t for my amateur training in the game of pool, the curve would’ve gotten the worst of me.
Many of the holes had your typical obstacles, such as a hill or a plaster rock sticking out. However, there were some that were pretty unique to this course.
One hole had a plastered delta in blue paint that led out to the man-made creek that swiveled around the course — there was about a three-by-one foot space we would have to avoid. With a couple of previous golf balls already in the water, one of us had to stand by the delta in order to ensure our golf balls wouldn’t end up among the group. Thankfully, none did.
Two courses had different PVC pipe tunnels in the first landing that would lead out to different places on the second landing. Unfortunately, none of our balls went out the right tunnel that would get us closest to the hole. Another course had the holes in a mini, elongated barn with three slots the ball could slide into. These ones were two or three par, but it took us much longer to score. At one point, I had to make James fetch my ball in the hole because there was a spider camping inside of it, and I couldn’t get myself to touch a spider.
There was also a bench on the course that had been occupied by a goose for the past few days. The owners of SportsVille placed things on the bench to avoid having the goose come back, and topped it off with a sign that said “beware of goose.” If the goose wasn’t terrorizing children and others, we think it would’ve been a lovely addition to the course.
Hole 17 included a whole cavern that was nearly impossible to escape without hitting the ball at least five times, yet it was a two par. Though it did provide us some good shelter from the sun, the plaster rocks in the cavern kept making our golf balls rebound and end up elsewhere.
Hole 18 was also incredibly challenging for me and James. Instead of the smooth hills of the other courses, this one had regular-shaped plateaus you had to hit over to get the ball into the final hole. If you hit the ball too hard, though, your ball would shoot up and fly. A two-par hole, James and I needed four to five tries before finishing our game.
Though we were absolutely terrible, we both got a nice tan from being out in the sun for an hour or so. In the end, James beat me at the game. However, both of us were a margin away from the par. While it was supposed to take 44 shots, James had 59 and I had a whopping 78. I like to think I’m better at regular golf than mini golf, so I’m excited for the Heisman Golf Scramble during Senior Week. Maybe this game was a sign for James and I to shape up our mini golfing skills, as the popularity of the game seems to decline for teenagers and those in their early twenties and increase later on in life. In the future, we may as well sign up for the Masters or the PGA Championship.
