DeeDee Ngozi Chamblee is the founder and executive director of La Gender Inc., a non-profit organization led by Black transgender women that uplifts and empowers transgender women of color in the metro Atlanta area. Recently, she was the keynote speaker for the exhibition “The Body, the Host: HIV/AIDS and Christianity,” where she spoke about the traditional narratives around HIV/AIDS and her own personal journey.

This article has been edited for length and clarity.

Tell me where you grew up and what growing up was like for you. 

I grew up in a country town like Oberlin in Rockdale County. It was dirt roads. I had a lot of cousins and they used to take advantage of me when I was little, but I didn’t know what was actually happening to me at the time. We were all asleep on a padding on the floor, and they would toss me and turn me all night long. By the time morning came and we got up to go to breakfast, my grandmother would ask me why I was so tired. She didn’t know what I had went through the night before. It was a secret.

 I did not walk when there were a lot of people around or in front of anyone. I couldn’t walk like other boys. I stayed still because I did not want nobody to see me. I didn’t want to be ostracized or called names. It was like I was a robot. One day, the babysitter had washed all my clothes, and the only thing in the house was a green corduroy dress. I put the dress on until my clothes were dry, and I saw rainbows and stars and glitter. I was so happy. I couldn’t wait till my mother got home. I wanted her to see me because I thought I was so pretty. When she got home and saw me from the car, I actually saw thunderbolts come out of her eyes and smoke came out her nose. I said, “by God, she’s going to kill me.” I will never forget that look. I knew from that day on, I could not dress like that. 

In first grade, I would never go to the bathroom with the boys. I would just stand outside the wall. This wonderful boy named Philip kissed me. I was in love. I always wonder, why did he pick me to kiss? During this time, I knew that everything about me was to be a woman.

We then moved up to Atlanta. One day, I saw a trans woman come through my neighborhood. She was flawless. All the boys knew her, and they respected her. I was just so amazed. She had a dress on, and I was so curious about her — how she lived and how she was gonna live. 

When I was about 14 or 15, I started hanging out with other teenagers. They were telling me about a club that they dressed up in and did shows at. I skipped school one day to go to the club, and I was just amazed. I went and I got my sister’s clothes and my mama’s wig and shoes, and I went out. When I put my mama’s shoes back in the box, all I could hear was her ringing out my name. 

So, I started running away from home. She never could understand why. “Why you keep running away from home? I got two nice houses for you and you staying in the shack.” I said, because I’m happy in that shack. I’m happy because I could be myself. 

I started having boyfriends, and some of them were very abusive, so I would go back home and she would let me come. I would get myself back together and then walk back out the door again because I couldn’t dress like I wanted to at home. I couldn’t be myself. I eventually left home for good and started living full time as myself. 

In order to take care of myself, I had to do sex work. I did not like it. It was not me. I wanted to be a housewife. I want to have a house full of children. When Oprah came out, I strived to be the woman that she was — intelligent, respected, and able to hold my head up when I go out. I can’t do that sex work, but nobody would hire me. I couldn’t get a job at McDonald’s. I couldn’t act the way people wanted me to act. I didn’t get a job as myself until the year 2000. Every time I would do sex work, I would do it long enough to get a husband that had a job that would take care of me. I had about 13 husbands during that time. I’ve been with my last husband, the one that I’m with now, for 34 years. He took me off the street. He was a DJ at the club, and he made sure I had all I wanted to do, and I wanted for nothing. He worked two and sometimes three jobs to make sure that I had everything I needed. Even through all of my illnesses and going in and out of the hospital, he has been there. Usually the men leave a trans woman when she gets sick. That is my experience from the girls that I’ve known. I am always amazed that he stayed. 

What led to you starting your organization? 

I’ve been positive with AIDS since 1987, so I had to start trying to take care of myself. When I was waiting for my appointment at the clinic, I started helping people come in, cleaning, helping people get out of cars, and singing church songs. One day a man came up to me when he saw me doing this and he said, “Ms. Dee Dee, you work here?” I said, “No, I’m waiting on my doctor.”  He said, “I saw you doing what you were doing. Do you want a job?”  “Yes, I want a job.” That man gave me a job with my own desk at the front door as a peer counselor in the clinic. I was so happy the first day I caught the train with my little briefcase and suit — I never thought I’d be able to do it. 

Still, the people at the clinic hadn’t transitioned in their mind. They still wanted to call me by my birth name, which I was not going forward with. I went to the administrator about it, and she said, “Well, you know what we’re going to do? We’re going to have in-service training. We’re not going to tolerate this kind of behavior here.” She said, “I’m going to put it into policy that they’ll be written up or maybe terminated for disrespecting trans people.” So we put a cultural competency training together and trained the whole office. That clinic changed overnight. 

I said, lord, if you don’t show me the impossible. The reason why trans women have such a high rate of HIV and dying from it is because they were not getting care and treatment because the front desk was a barrier, or they were ridiculed in the waiting room. 

After the contract at that office, I had no job again. I’m talking to the Holy Spirit and saying, now what do I do? He was the only one behind me. The Holy Spirit says, “so hire yourself.” So that’s how everything started. Then before I knew it, I had a board. I had my structure, volunteers and an office downtown. We had contracts with municipal borders. We had programs to help people get their GED, help them change their name. I was everywhere. From the police department to the courts, to the clinic, the hospital, to doing training. Because those doors had to get opened, my people needed help, my community needed help. And I got to get these doors open so they can get what they need to live. 

The name changes were the first thing because name changes were 200 to 300 dollars at the time. The court would pay for the name change and all that. We did about 500 name changes.

Then, the White House called me, telling me that President Obama had honored me as a Champion of Change. I just dropped the phone. I couldn’t believe it until I was actually there. When we got to D.C., I had a suit, a skirt and a hose, wig and makeup done for the night. It’s hot and humid, and we sat outside for three hours. We ain’t supposed to be out here in the sunlight with the medications. After three hours, they came and took us on a tour of the White House. After that, we went from one meeting to the other.

All of us who had gone had said that we were going to write about how we felt, how we were treated. I stayed up all that night writing, thinking they were doing the same. None of them did. I was left out in the cold by myself to face the White House bulldogs. “How dare you say we don’t know how to treat you?” and I said,  “the only thing I want to hear from you is an apology.” They did ask for forgiveness then, and that’s how I ended up meeting President Obama. It was just so grand. I was so overwhelmed. It was amazing for any transgender at that time. The White House just started being flooded with trans people. We had parties up in the White House. It was amazing. 

What is your advice for Black trans women today? 

I would say do your mental and spiritual training. Find out who you are inside and get your mental health together. Before you start going through a whole lot of surgeries, do the inside work first. Start on your hormones and gradually go through. You’ll find out that a lot of things you won’t have to do to yourself if you allow that process to happen. You’ll come to find out that you love parts of yourself and rather keep it that way. Once you resonate more with who you are and where you are and where you want to be, you can make much more informed decisions about yourself and your life. Get your education, take your hormones, and then decide if you want to have a surgery or two, if that’s necessary. 

Another thing is, you’re not a copy. There’s only one of you. So stop trying to be like somebody else and be. You’re the original creation. You’re a Monet, a Rembrandt, a Renoir, a Picasso. Get your connection with your creator. You were created out of love. You think you know it all, but you don’t know it all. Somebody had a plan before your plan. It takes us longer than others to realize that they are running the scene. If you go along with the plan, you’ll see that there are so many gifts for you along the way. You just have to take enough time to realize it.