Just Ask Us: GoYeo or Stevie?

Jolie De Feis and Mike Plotz

Welcome back to the second installment of “Just Ask Us and We’ll Tell Ya” with Jolie and Mike. We know it’s been a hard and long two weeks (my God, three weeks!) with this pesky break keeping us apart from one another, but we’re happy to be back, and it is our firm opinion that you are, too.

Browsing the internet, as we do daily, and scouring Yik Yak, which we also do daily, it occurred to us that there should be no more beating around the bush. We must answer the question that’s been on everyone’s mind: Would you rather say “GoYeo!” at the end of every sentence or eat Stevie food for the rest of your life? (Question obtained courtesy of Yik Yak and the wildly creative mind of Remington Runnfeldt Schuemann Schneider.)

Now, here at “Just Ask Us and We’ll Tell Ya” HQ (Mandarin or the Rathskeller, depending on the specials), we often differ in opinions; more often, we just lack opinions altogether. So Jolie took up the cause for Stevie, while Mike was a proponent of “GoYeo.” GoYeo!

In a long argument that spanned one Rat lunch, two and a half days of on-again, off-again emailing and one chance run-in in the Mudd Academic Commons, we are left almost as lost and opinionless as we began. Jolie began her argument by playing the omelet card, because who doesn’t love Stevie omelets? Mike considered this point, but countered by pointing out that omelets are only offered during brunch, limiting this tasty dish to a mere two mornings a week. Jolie replied, “The soup isn’t too bad.” There is also a chocolate milk dispenser (a true luxury), pretty decent cookies, multiple waffle makers that sometimes aren’t gross and dripping and sushi on occasion. Additionally, there is online menu access. You can even get the menu emailed to you every morning! And there’s unlimited food, which, in this hypothetical world, will definitely still exist. Wherever you go, unlimited pineapple citrus chicken will follow. (Never tried it? Good news: It’s on the menu tonight at Stevenson Dining Hall.)

On the other hand, while saying “GoYeo” at the end of every sentence may get old — especially in business or family functions and luncheons — you will never feel out of place at a Yeomen or Yeowomen sporting event. Heck, you may even feel at home at your Oberlin reunion. Plus, it’s proven to be a pretty effective mating call. Don’t believe us? Check out our Tinder matches; they are prolific and consist of more than men holding fish. If you’re lucky, people might even think you’re saying YOLO. GoYeolo!

But is variety not the spice of life? “Sure!” says our resident Facebook friend, Oberlin CDS. Variety is never lacking at Stevenson Dining Hall, whether it’s Tuesday’s Vegetable Mush or Friday’s Leftover Meat Medley. With Stevie, you truly never know what you’re going to get. Except diarrhea. We can almost guarantee you explosive poop every time. But then again, isn’t the feeling of being completely cleaned out somewhat rejuvenating?

So tell us, reader, is this article long enough? Would you rather eat Stevie food for the rest of your life, or say “GoYeo!” at the end of every sentence? Email us at [email protected] gmail.com, and we may feature you in our next article! All we know is that these hungry reporters are going to Stevie tonight. Bon voyage and happy pooping. GoYeo!