You’re stressed. We get it; you’re an Oberlin student (or alumnum, or prospie, or professor, or townsperson, or random internet surfer who was searching for “views in Berlin” and stumbled upon our little website), life is hard and, according to my great-uncle, it’s all downhill from here. Sorry. But, that’s why, as you get older, you have to learn to enjoy the little things in life. And let us tell you, the littler the better! Have you ever seen a 90-year-old blow bubbles? It’s fucking magical. We know you’re thinking that there are no “little things” in Oberlin, but that’s where you are wrong. We believe that there are plenty of bubble-blowing 90-year-old equivalents here in Oberlin — it might just take some investigating to find them. As usual, here at Just Ask Us and We’ll Tell Ya, we did all of the cutting-edge research so that you don’t have to.

We found a number of wonderful ideas to help you get over midterms stress, and we’re so nice that we are willing to share them with you for free. We believe stress relief doesn’t have to come in the form of a fancy spa trip or overpriced DeCafé chocolate — as Kanye says, “The best things in life are free.” In reverse order, here are the activities that will relieve the most stress per minute spent.

1. Get The Oberlin Review to pay for your trip to Sky Zone. This was a doozy of a task but was worth every second. Sky Zone is undeniably the most fun place in Northeast Ohio. Even more fun than counting dead fish on the Lake Erie shore (22 last Commencement). Let us save you the time though; the editors at the Review do not want you to have fun and do not want to subsidize your trip to Sky Zone. We say the folks at the Review are a little too responsible with their money. You’ll have better luck trying to free a ferret from a glue trap — yuck.
2. The good news is that there is virtually a trampoline in your backyard. No, it doesn’t have a foam pit or a basketball court or give you socks to take home, but it gets the job done. Burn off those stress pizzas you’ve been eating on Krislov’s trampoline! Jolie and Mike made an appointment with Krislov, headed there at our agreed-upon time, and boy, did we have fun. If you don’t believe us, just check our Facebook or the online version of this article, where we are allowed to post pictures. Sure, the trampoline was covered in ice and Mike cut his foot, but man oh man was it nice when we got our cold toes back inside our shoes. For added fun, try pouring hot cocoa on your feet directly after landing on sharp ice. If you do this, please send us a picture.
3. Visit the Oberlin Macintosh Museum. That’s right, it’s finally opened. Take it from us, this is unironically the coolest place in Oberlin. In fact, it’s so cool, we’re not even going to tell you where it is. That’s right, as an added fun bonus, you can now go on your very own stress-relieving investigative adventure. You might not even have to leave Mudd! Where else can you see an original Oscorp computer? Or a letter written in 1982 begging Oberlin to buy a few computers, explaining their merits and importance? This place is great, and we’ll sure be there next week. Hopefully you can join us.

Whew, we had so much fun writing this — our very own form of stress relief. When we graduate (and not a day before), you might consider asking The Oberlin Review for a regular column, so that every two weeks you are given a new deadline, receive lots of emails and have to coordinate on a group project. It’s the best and never stressful. We’d like to send an extra special shoutout to our main man Krislov. Thanks for responding to our email so promptly and giving us permission to use your trampoline. May everyone who uses it ask permission first. Happy midterms, students. Before you leave for spring break, make sure to check if your destination has a Sky Zone — they’re all over the country. Jolie and Editor-in-Chief Rose Stoloff went to the one in Las Vegas and give it five stars.